Will never be updated or added to. (amazingfishboy) wrote in spikity_movies,
Will never be updated or added to.


Ok, this is the story of some vaguely familiar looking completley unknown actors who get lost in some foreign country, and bad things happen. Sound familiar? It should, because it's the same god damn thing as Hostel. Only at least during Hostel, I was entertained. This turdpile known as "Turistas" was directed by John Stockwell and stars . . . well, it doesn't matter who it stars, because thie effectively started and ended all of their careers in one fell swoop. (I said swoop) 

This normally where I call people names and go off on random tangents. Occasionally touching briefly back on the movie. But I really don't care about this movie. I am a little disappointed that there is an hour and a half of my life that I'll never get back. And I regret that this movie is taking up valuable space in my brain. . . probably pushing out more important stuff. Damn, I think I just forgot math. 

You would think that when sub-par writers and directors are going to be derivative that they would at least increase the amount of gratuitous violence, gore, and nudity. While there is a fair amount of nudity in this movie, it sadly is not nearly violent enough. I know all of this, because I tried to fall asleep defensively so I didn't have to do it, but my girlfriend kept poking me in the head with the remote.

In summary:


gratuitous meh

meh fu

random acts of meh.


a sharp stick in the eye

I give it 1.5 out of 5 unwashed Brazilians.

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